Hi I’m sad. I don’t know what is going on right now. I am so depressed. And emotionally wreck. I don’t know what happened, I just know that I am not happy. It seems like I am inviting every sins that I do, I want to be sinful, I mock, I lied, I cheat and I disagree. I am not happy entertaining these. Even though that I know God in my life what is it that bothers me to stand back, what is is that hinders me to obey him? I am starting to hate others, starting to say some bad words for them and starting to isolate myself again. I hate being like this, it seems that everytime I wake up is a struggle to me. What to do, I am too down. I know who God is, I know how to prayer, I know how to worship, but I know that God is not happy with what I am doing.
Repentance is easy, but when I think of it it’s crucial., Things aren’tthe same as before. We used to be like playmate and friend, but now I consider her as the worst stranger whom I may bump whenever I went to Batangas. How long should I struggle for this? How long should I stop my mouth from saying, HI! Thanks for the bracelet. I really like it. How long should I avoid every step that she take? HOW LONG????But everytime I think of it, flashback returns. So I stumble, I think of every mess.
I don’t know what to do right now, I know that the reason of this depression, is that I fail to communicate and to ignore her. But is she saying anything? OMY. This is it again, maybe I want to talk more about this.
If we can’t really understand each other, I need a great space. Huge. Vast.
I don’t know what is she trying to defend, but one thing I know she fail to understand and just cling on to something that she thinks that is right.
But right now, I don’t know how to react with the flying sh*ts in my mind. It seems like because I am wrong right now, I want to entertain any illegal things in life. Oh, God rebuke this.
behindthesehazeleyes 